Relationships: Attuning To Your Partner

In our relationships, romantic or otherwise, attunement or the intentionality we make towards really understanding our partner or partners is essential to deepening connectivity. What does “attunement” mean you may ask?

One definition is: “a kinesthetic and emotional sensing of others knowing their rhythm, affect and experience by metaphorically being in their skin, and going beyond empathy to create a two-person experience of unbroken feeling connectedness by providing a reciprocal affect and/or resonating response” (Erksine, 1998)

I would define it as how well we “align with” and “understand our partner’s facial expressions, moods” and “how accurately do we anticipate their respective needs?” It also includes our ability to accurately “mentalize” what they are thinking, feeling, and desiring: their wants and needs, and even deeper— do we really know their deepest hopes, dreams, worries, and fears? If this sounds daunting at all to you, don’t worry, because most people naturally have some basic level of attunement to their partner (s) otherwise their relationships would most likely collapse. And there’s even more good news: we can always improve the ways in which we attune to our partner and there’s always room for growth and deepening our connections. Some steps include: taking more time to really study our partner’s facial expressions and body language for signs of distress-anxiety, anger, worry, and the full gamut of emotions. Also, taking time to check in with our partner to see if our instincts-our mentalization about how they are feeling are correct? Through my tailored couples therapy sessions, I can work with you and your partner (s) to practice the skills of attunement, mentalization, and anticipation to make more accurate interpretations of non-verbal cues. I will help you understand their love languages more fully and suggest ways to “step into each other's tracks of resonance” to allow for deeper connection and ultimately, more satisfying love.